Every New Day

Every new day is an opportunity to make something new and to change one's self. I don't want to be complacent or stagnant. I want to be a living, breathing, creation that will bring glory and joy to the world. Despite my failures, despite my selfishness, despite the areas where I am weak, I will continue to thank God for all of the blessings He has provided me with.

It's so easy to be human, to complain, to submit to the world's desires, to allow things to be all about me, myself, and I... But I don't want to be that girl. That girl can sit in a corner all alone and cry herself to sleep, for all I care. The woman that I want to be is loving, helpful, is slow to anger and thinks before she speaks. She knows who she is, and she does not worry about the future because she is secure in the plans that God has for her.

So Ya Had a Bad Day?

I kinda hate that song, but I've definitely had a challenging day. I won't go into details because I'm too much of a wimp to come face to face with my negligence and stupidity. I just want to run away from it all. I wish I had just one suitcase One little suitcase so I wouldn't have to accumulate so much JUNK.

I like a boy, but I think his passion for me has died. I know that I should probably not be involved with these kind of men, and I should be waiting for my William Wallace. Where have all the decent men gone????

Burned

When will I learn to not play with fire? I always get burned, and yet, I do this to myself. Okay, God, PLEASE HELP ME TO BE SMART!!!!!!! Help me to learn from my mistakes. Help me to just say no to matches. I do not want to be this girl. I want to be the Bride, not the dummy. I want to be the girl who don't need a lot of money because she can sleep on the beach, catching oceans within reach, whatever private ocean we can conjure up for free. I want to stumble there with you and I want you to be laughing close with me, etc. whatever. I Guess all I really mean is that I WANT TO BE ALRIGHT. I WANT TO CLOSE MY EYES TONIGHT. I WANT TO BE ALRIGHT.

Lord, help me to be good and great and fine.

Sweet as Cotton Candy

It's easy to say, "God Loves You." Of course He does, yeah, yeah, we all know that. I discovered He not only loves me, but He is IN LOVE with me. He showed me lots of things the other day. There have been words that have cursed me: unfeminine, fat, ugly, too short, and not white. They have been tormenting me and keeping me bound up, and you know what He showed me?

He gave me an 8mm film reel of myself as a child running around my old back yard, picking flowers and running around happily. I had a little tiara on my head and was holding a magic wand. He showed the little girl version of myself growing up into a Bride.

Then the film ended and I was on a beach with Yeshua, and I was under a chupah, and Yeshua was saying his vows to me, and He put a ring on my finger, and He gave me the nicest kiss I've ever gotten.

Then He gave me a picture of a big, red dragon breathing fire and burning up the words, and not only that, but the dragon turned to me, winked, and blew a smoke ring at me in the shape of a heart. I felt the actual warmth of the smoke against my skin, and I smelled it too. It baptized me in a brand new love.

Where the old words had existed, He gave me new words. Lovely. Beautiful. Sweet as Cotton Candy! He planted white daisies and washed me with purity.

He showed me a tree which was surrounded by enemies and unclean spirits, and He caught them with a net and burned them in an incinerator which made them blow up and turn to glitter. Then He had me plant pencils into the ground, and where each pencil was planted, bouquets of pencils sprung. He told me that the tree was where I needed to be and to He told me that He had given me the pencils to use my words to climb the tree. He showed me a picture of me as a little girl, up in the tree, writing stories.

It's amazing how well He knows my heart, and how He knows the right way to speak to me. He's my one and only.

Joyful, Joyful

2010 has been a rough year so far, but right now, I'm in a season of thanksgiving and joy. Or maybe it's the endorphins from exercise. I recently launched my website www.anniesuekim.com and as I've been building it, I've been counting blessings and realizing there is so much for me to thankful and joyful for. God gave me talent. Maybe not as much talent as some, but I have tried my best to invest and do something with the talents I've been given. And now I am working in an industry that I love, and the job that I have at the moment, I love. I have fulfilled the prophecy that I was meant to fulfill. Now what's next, God? Keep me on my toes!

God gave me a gift to really love kids and love young people, and this keeps me very joyful. I think I'm ready to invest in that talent now. Sometimes people try to peg me as immature. I think it's because I'm young at heart. But I've grown to understand that being child-like is different than being childish. Yes, I have a very exuberant and eccentric personality, which is good because that's what got me this job... but a lot of that exuberance comes from the joy that has always been there.

I know a couple of no-class fools who other people see and esteem them as mature and knowledgeable, and yet they have no wisdom when it comes to matters of the heart. They are cold and life-less. I tell you, they don't know what they're missing. This joy that I feel is more than mere happiness. It's something that permeates throughout my life, throughout my soul. I'm punch drunk on the joy.

Blessing The Cursers

So about a week ago, I allowed myself to love and forgive Colby, despite his horribleness to me. It wasn't easy, but I've been reading a lot of 1 Corinthians lately, especially the love verse. So I wrote a letter to him, saying that I would walk in the ways of the Lord, and I would love the way Christ does.

Colby came over and I prayed a blessing over him and his future. I will not involve myself romantically with him. So far, I've been doing very well, but I suppose that the distance of my traveling definitely helps. I try to keep conversations with him at fifteen minutes or less, and I don't talk about the past, and when he begins to talk about the past, I veer the conversation in a different direction as to avoid bitterness from rooting itself into me.

This is not easy, but I knew that when I was refusing to speak to him, it was hardening my heart, and I don't want to become a cold blooded lady. I will love, and I will love my enemies. I will bless those who curse me, and I will pray for the ones who have hated me and mistreated me.

The Party Girl

I've become quite the party girl lately. I've been hanging out at the bars, being with dear old friends, meeting new people, dancing, having fun, and living life. I can see why so many people find fulfillment in this kind of lifestyle. But you know, there is more out there than just another party...

While I am a firm believer in having a good time, I don't want to confuse having fun with hedonism. There's more to life than just parties and fun, right? There's community, there's fellowship, and I think that's what this is really all about. We're all out here, trying to meet people, trying to be social, trying to make connections because that's the way we are designed. No one is supposed to be alone.

Even God is not one being alone out in this universe. It's a triumvirate of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. They said, "Let US" create the world and every thing in it in six days. "Let US" rest on the seventh and marvel at the beauty of creation. So if God is not alone, and if God was wanting to chill out, it means that we should do the same, right?

That's not saying we don't need time away from others every so often, but ever since coming out of the isolation of the tour, I've been extremely needy. I don't want to spend one waking moment alone. I don't need anymore alone time, I need to be out and about again, and I want and need to be with people that I love for as much time as humanly possible.

Maybe it seems as though I'm justifying my party girl ways, but my heart is a lonely hunter and she needs to find a family and a community.