Testify

Okay, so honestly: I fear calling myself a Christian sometimes. A lot of times. I live in this world of fear. Fear that I'm not Christian enough, and fear that I'm too Christian. Weird, right? I want to live a life of love and light. I don't want to be mean to people, but I often am. I don't want to gain if someone has to lose, but I often lose sight of the needs of others and go after my own selfish ambitions. I don't want to trample anyone, and I don't want to be trampled. And we can't have it both ways, can we? I don't know!

I want to be cool, but I want to be hard core too. I love crazy Jesus people. I love Gays. I bless. I curse. I drink. Too much. Sometimes.

I sin every day. I ask forgiveness everyday. Sometimes I'm wrapped in holiness. Sometimes I'm soaked in shame. Sometimes my pride is so thick, you can cut it with a knife. And somehow, God just breaks me down and forces me into humility.

I can run from God, but I can't hide from Him. I can be ashamed of Him, but He's still my dad. I can deny Him three thousand times, but when I'm at the end of my rope and I've hit rock bottom, I will always turn to Him. Why? Because He's merciful. Because He's just. Because He is good. He is light. He is life.

It's interesting because there are times that I am literally yoked to Jesus. Because I said I want Christ to be Lord of my life, I am now bound to Him, and there's no escaping. I have periods of rebellion, but I'm always coming back. Maybe Jesus is my crack.

Sometimes I want to go my own way, but I don't because I know that being chained to a master who is loving and leading me on a path to salvation is better than wandering around blind and alone.

And that's what I got to testify tonight.