Je Suis Stupide

Moments of insecurity are inevitable, and right now, I certainly feel like an idiot. I feel like I'm not as intelligent as I want to be. I'm not as poised and grown up as I'd like to be. The way I speak, the way I think, the way I look, the way I dress, the way I act in social situations... they aren't like my favorite heroine, Elizabeth Bennet. I'm more like Lydia or Kitty. I feel as childish as I did when I was twelve years old obsessing over Hanson and fangirl-ing over Newsies (the Disney movie musical).

Lately, I've been reading J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye, and I know it's supposed to be some great work of literature, but maybe I'm just shallow phony because I don't like it at all. I think Holden Caufield is a spoiled, over-privileged, whiney do-nothing who has too much money and too much time to do absolutely nothing. I know that some people think it's brilliant, and so real, and it's the struggle of the modern young man, but I'd rather read Andy Griffith's The Day My Butt Went Psycho.

This book is about a boy whose butt runs away from him and decides to take over the world, and the boy has to team up with the A-Team of Butt Catchers and Butt Hunters to catch his butt and keep it World Butt Domination. Very different from any of the struggles that Holden Caufield goes through.

I'm not smart enough. I'm not deep enough. I'm not serious enough. I don't think enough. I should spend at least an hour a day doing algebra and reading philosophy. I should devote myself to spend at least two hours a day thinking about world politics.

There is a deeper side to me, there really is... I think it's just a little shy sometimes.