A little bit after my daddy died, I was going through grief sharing. I was also meeting up with a friend who is a counselor, and it was mentioned in both places that people who go through trauma have basically had their "worldview" or sense of self ripped apart, and are left to rebuild themselves.
It's interesting because the actor side of myself seemed to have been lost in the trauma. There are moments where I miss acting, but for the most part, I'm simply not inclined to pursue it. I'm rebuilding and acting hasn't been entirely rebuilt yet. Maybe it will one day when I least expect it.
Lately, I've been listening to a lot of Jill Bolte Taylor's talks, and her book My Stroke of Insight has been added to my new year's reading list. While having a stroke, the left hemisphere of her brain was essentially erased, and she had to start all over again from scratch. She also talks about changing the circuits of one's mind, and rebuilding new thoughts- positive thoughts, and not feeding old, negative thoughts. Letting go of negative thoughts and people. Not even giving power to thoughts of them because they are not important.
It reminds me of a verse in 2 Corinthians 10- taking captive every thought and bringing it into obedience. I can control the things that I think. I can control the emotions that certain thoughts feed by taking those awful thoughts, and tossing them away. Jill Bolte Taylor says that it takes 91 seconds to go from angry to calm. Most people stay angry, but I don't want to live like that. I've received too much love in my life to let my joy get stolen by errant thoughts. So when anger and ugly thoughts and ugly people come my way, homie won't play that. 91 seconds. I'm not the same person that I was yesterday. I am beginning to rebuild. New year, new me.
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