Fade to Grey

Some days seem so methodical. Humdrum. I don't think that I've given up the fight, but there's a state of numbness that seems to have overtaken... everything. I'm not good, I'm not bad, I'm not right, I'm not wrong... I'm just a shade of grey. Sometimes fading darker, sometimes fading lighter, but grey, all the same.

How do you break from the grey? Where does the color come in? Where is the artist who is supposed to paint my dull canvas, and how do I find him?

Can I stand by a river and ask if the dream giver if He still waits for me? I need to know that you're still here. I need to have you nearby so that I won't make a mess of everything!

Come, beat a drum, so that I will still hear. Show me something beautiful so that I won't stop believing. Bring something that will keep me from fading...

Home Sweet Harlem

I've recently moved into a sweet little deal in Harlem. I have two really great roomies, and Sophie loves the apartment. Though I've been in New York City since May, I haven't really written about it, except to say that it was lonely when I first got here. I'm more accustomed to the loneliness, and I find that sometimes, I prefer the loneliness to the hustle and bustle of the city, but I digress. I think the reason why I stopped writing- other than being insanely busy- is because I haven't felt at home in this city. Maybe all I needed was time, or maybe it was because I was sleeping in a living room, but New York is now... home. Maybe all it took was finding the right place.

So now that I'm finally writing again, I should talk about AMDA. It was the reason why I came to New York, afterall. My days consist of acting, singing, and dancing. I take tap, jazz, ballet, and theatre dance. I have acting classes. I have voice lessons. I have voice and speech classes. I am taking up musical composition and dialects as my electives. And then I have musical theatre class which integrates the acting, singing, and dancing. It has been an awesome experience. I know that I will miss it dearly when next October rolls around- that's when I graduate. I've had the opportunity to meet some crazy talented people, and I hope that I will know them for a long time.

I know this is a very brief and unsatisfactory overview, but it will have to suffice for now. I'm a very busy girl, and I have a lot of work to do.

The End

Ashley closed on the house, and it's officially the end of the season. Atlanta isn't home anymore, Goodbye Huntington Trace. Goodbye Frank and Alfonso. Goodbye children running around. Goodbye daffodils and tulips in the spring. Goodbye ice cream truck that played the same song over and over and OVER. Goodbye days of lying on the couch and watching "You've Got Mail."

Sigh.

Lonliness

"Nighthawks"
Edward Hopper

Edward Hopper really captures a sense of lonliness in this painting. They're all in this little diner or bar, and yet they're alone- even the couple. I feel this way. I'm surrounded by people, and yet I'm facing a void. I'm lonely. I am lonely.

Big Fat Crush

I HAVE A BIG FAT CRUSH ON CHRIS RICE.

Twenty Four Waiting Rooms

Well, two big events just passed. First was the big AMDA audition, and the second was my twenty fourth birthday. I'm still waiting to hear back to see if I made it. I think I did well. The adjudicator said I did well, so I am 75% positive that I at least got accepted. But after waiting for an acceptance, I'll be waiting for the financial aid. It feels like it's one waiting room after another. It's one step, then the next. I feel like one of Brian Andreas' Story People.

Life is Unfair

I was supposed to receive an Ipod Shuffle through a promotion for signing up for a banking company. Well, after about two months of waiting, I finally called customer service and asked them what was up. Well, after another full month of waiting for a response, I got a call from them.

The package was delivered and signed by an "M. Jacky" on December 14. I called customer service to inquire about this. How did this "M. Jacky" receive my shuffle pod? It had to have been sent to the wrong address, how was it sent to the wrong addresss? What are they going to do about this?

Well, they don't know how any of it happened, and they aren't going to do anything about it. So I have no Ipod Shuffle, and I have less minutes on my cell phone, and I have a bank account that I never really needed in the first place. One thing that really bothers me is that customer service could care less about what happened. It's called "service" for a reason. If you can't even do what you're being paid to do, then why should I even bank with you? You need me, I don't need you. I'll just burn that bridge.

When I terminate my relationship with this banking company, I'll have gained nothing but headaches and hassle, and lost a few small things including my trust in people. Especially people who steal other people's Ipod Shuffles. And people who work in customer service... and people who work in mailing services too.