Lonliness

"Nighthawks"
Edward Hopper

Edward Hopper really captures a sense of lonliness in this painting. They're all in this little diner or bar, and yet they're alone- even the couple. I feel this way. I'm surrounded by people, and yet I'm facing a void. I'm lonely. I am lonely.

Big Fat Crush

I HAVE A BIG FAT CRUSH ON CHRIS RICE.

Twenty Four Waiting Rooms

Well, two big events just passed. First was the big AMDA audition, and the second was my twenty fourth birthday. I'm still waiting to hear back to see if I made it. I think I did well. The adjudicator said I did well, so I am 75% positive that I at least got accepted. But after waiting for an acceptance, I'll be waiting for the financial aid. It feels like it's one waiting room after another. It's one step, then the next. I feel like one of Brian Andreas' Story People.

Life is Unfair

I was supposed to receive an Ipod Shuffle through a promotion for signing up for a banking company. Well, after about two months of waiting, I finally called customer service and asked them what was up. Well, after another full month of waiting for a response, I got a call from them.

The package was delivered and signed by an "M. Jacky" on December 14. I called customer service to inquire about this. How did this "M. Jacky" receive my shuffle pod? It had to have been sent to the wrong address, how was it sent to the wrong addresss? What are they going to do about this?

Well, they don't know how any of it happened, and they aren't going to do anything about it. So I have no Ipod Shuffle, and I have less minutes on my cell phone, and I have a bank account that I never really needed in the first place. One thing that really bothers me is that customer service could care less about what happened. It's called "service" for a reason. If you can't even do what you're being paid to do, then why should I even bank with you? You need me, I don't need you. I'll just burn that bridge.

When I terminate my relationship with this banking company, I'll have gained nothing but headaches and hassle, and lost a few small things including my trust in people. Especially people who steal other people's Ipod Shuffles. And people who work in customer service... and people who work in mailing services too.

Top Five

Well, I am the girl of 100 lists, here's the short version of my admiration lists:

Top 5 People I Admire:

1. Lynette Lewis

Speaker and Author Extraordinaire
This awesome woman is intelligent, has business savvy, and waited on the Lord, even when things seemed the most hopeless. She was faithful to the task God gave her, and chose to give hope and inspiration for women, even when she felt that she was lacking. She didn't try to fit into the mold of most Christian women, and actually excelled in the working/real world without compromising her Godly character.

2. Jim Henson

Entertainer, Engineer, Conservationist, Amazing man

Henson left a legacy! He changed the face of puppetry! When most people think of puppets now-a-days they think of the muppet structure which Henson popularized. He brought entertainment to audiences of all ages through child-like means, and he not only used his creations to entertain, but also to educate. He was a peaceful man who wanted to turn the world around. He passed down his vision to his family and friends, and that vision continues today. I now realize it's not easy to be green, but some of us realize that it's beautiful, and it's what we wanna be.

3. Walt Disney

Dream Maker, Miracle Man, Pure Awesome

How do I possibly describe this man? He was a genius who didn't just animate cartoons, but created an entire enterprise devoted to invention and technological advancement. During his early years, he faced a world of dissappointments, yet he continued to create with what he had. By the time The Great Depression hit, Disney was bringing joy and laughter to audiences. People doubted his capabilities, and he proved them wrong. After his death, his family made a WORLD and LAND out of his creations where they continued to encourage the young and old to make dreams and wishes come true.

4. Helen Joy Davidman Lewis

Writer, Poet, Mother, Wife

Helen was a Jewish, athiest, communist, and who later became a Christian, and a tenacious one, at that. She was the wife of C.S. (Jack) Lewis, and she wasn't very well liked by his acquaintances because she was so saucy and fiesty. When their relationship first began, she was the pursuer (very much in the Ruth-like fashion), and Jack was known to hide from her whenever she came to call, but by and by, he came to love her too. She was a dynamic person, and was very ambitious, and went after life at full force, despite all the trials and hardships that she had faced in her past, and she ended up with her treasure at the end of it all.

5. The Newsboys

Rock Band, Worshipers

They aren't afraid to be weird or different, and they carry with them an aura where you are captivated by what they have to say. Their music is wonderfully composed, and it's filled with a lot of clever and tasty lyrics to sink your teeth into, with the help of Steve Taylor, of course. They've changed looks, band members, singers, and instruments, but they're still going strong and bringing the gospel of the good news unashamed to the masses.

Goodbye Old Pal

Quinn is gone and I'm hurting. I miss my best friend so very much. It feels like part of my heart is ripped out. Maybe I'm being over dramatic, but life just isn't the same without her. I'm just not used to not seeing her, and I just miss that girl like crazy.


Sophie the Cat has been trying to comfort me, but it isn't working. She isn't enough. I know that God is my comforter, and yet, I still don't feel comforted. I think God sometimes wants us to go through mourning so that we know just how wonderful our friends are.

Well Done

A member from my church was in sbux, and he said something awesome to me today. He said that if the Lord came in and saw me at work today, He would say to me:

Well done, good and faithful one.

I was totally floored by this, and I almost cried (and after I got off of work, I did cry). Today in particular, I really was trying to be a good worker since someone mentioned to me a couple of days earlier that I was an unfocused slacker. I was offended, but then I realized that I often do have a bad attitude about going to work. I didn't want to continue on this course, and so I thought that maybe I could try to have a more diligent and hardworking attitude.

When those six simple words were spoken, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I was day dreaming about it, in fact, and it was just so beautiful and wonderful, and it's kept me on the verge of tears because it makes me so happy to think about it.

I imagine a clear blue sky, and as I float upon the clouds they aren't icy and cold as reality tells us. Instead, they are fluffy and warm- it is warm, and I'm like a feather, floating on a warm breeze. I can picture being clothed in a flowing golden dress and shoeless, and the gates open wide, and I am brought before the One I've been waiting my whole life to meet. And I'm excited and nervous, and my heart pounds so hard that it rattles my ribcage, and my cheeks are blushing, and I can't help but look down, knowing that I am certainly not worthy to even be in His presence.

And then, He steps from His golden throne, and I turn my eyes for a glimpse of glory, and I quickly look back down hoping that His beauty will not shatter me completely. He is as big as a tower and He is beautiful to see. Light radiates not only around Him but from Him- He is the source of the LIGHT that we had been calling the sun. The angels with their one million eyeballs are shouting and singing and they can't help but applaud the King of Kings. I can only get on my knees and look down.

He lifts up His enormous hand- it is a beautiful hand- the fingers are perfection, they aren't too thin, they are the hands of an artist, the hands of a worker, the hands of a father, the hands of a lover, and He holds it up to silence the crowd. And He kneels down to me and takes my hand, and gently helps me to my feet, and He lifts my face up with a gentle finger under my chin and He looks me straight in the eye and He says:

"Well, done, good and faithful one."

There is silence and everyone has goose pimples on their arms. His voice. OH, WOW. It's warm and deep, and I can feel it resonate through my soul, and it feels as though I'm permanently clean and nothing will ever change it again. All the worthlessness and rejection that had been following me- gone! All of the evil and vile thoughts- gone! All of the violence and covetousness- gone! Everything is gone, gone, gone... gone, so long!

All I can feel is His warmth, His tenderness, His affection, and His love. And I know without a doubt that I am My Beloved's and He is MINE.

I love it when God uses the simplest things to touch our hearts while we're here on earth, but I'll tell you what- I can't wait to go to heaven!!!!