I should be ZzzzZZzz-ing

When you can't go to sleep and your thoughts are all jumbled together and you're worried about the future and you don't know what's got you so worried, the reasons why you're up too early before the sun has even risen, may point to the fact that you're PMS-ing, or it could be due to the fact that you had a caffeinated beverage before you went to bed four hours ago and it's only just hitting you now.

Oh, I'm so frustrated. I want to be more than I currently am. I want my children and my children's children to do more and be more, but I am currently chaos dreaming and chaos screaming. And I miss my father and I miss my mother the way she was when my father was alive. And I miss all of the pets that have been lost on the journey of life. Well, not the fish, but the furry ones: Peanut, Tigger, Bobo, Rocky, Ebony, Oreo, Prince, Buttercup, Bill, Ted... I am a little glad to be relieved of guinea pigs though. They were a little bit harder to maintain, in spite of their affectionate demeanor.

What was I saying? Oh, yeah, something about wanting more. I always dream of doing something bigger and better. I make plans, but my follow through needs a bit more work. I am a creator, but I don't know how to channel my creativity.

Oh, my, the baby's crying. Not mine, of course, since I have no children yet. I'm glad that I was already awake so that I wouldn't have to be annoyed. Not that a baby's crying annoys me... just being woken up does.

Heavens, I think I have ADHD.

have you any wool?

You start with a criticism

A judgment, a condemnation.

i try to create something beautiful

And You rip it to shreds with Your words.

Thanks.

The things that You say

make me feel repulsive.

i can always count on

You to put

me in my place.

You're high and mighty,

Righteously judging,

Holy as the Saints,

Placing

the heathens on the bottom shelf-

that's where i am.

Fat.

Ugly.

Loose.

Rejected.

i may not look a thing like

Jesus,

but dearest,

neither do you.

Prego

Sometimes when I see a pregnant belly, I think about "The Little Prince" and instead of thinking that there's a baby in utero, I imagine that some lucky lady swallowed a whole miniature elephant for lunch.

Happily Never After

I broke my heart

On a Friday night.

I could have let it slide,

But my pride

Was relentless

And you were repent-less.

The word that was spoken

maybe only jokingly

Like a little poniard

Cut me deep,

Stabbing,

Painful as a

Valentine's Day Break Up.

And I've known hurt

All too well

And I don't want to know it

Ever

Again.

Tenacity

I'll hold on to you

I'll cling to the hope

Until I see the dreams fulfilled

You gave me the thumbs up

I didn't get to tell you

How you've changed my life

But one day I will

In person

And I'll keep holding

Hope

Against

Hope

I'll keep believing

I'll hold on

Uncertainty

The life I lead

and the life I led

are in different spheres of time

I'm easing into reality

and I'm neither here

nor there

I am a mist

a shadow

a breeze

Fleeting

felt

but never held

Mine's a Fine Life

I love New York. Always have. Always will. I don't know what my future holds, but I know that New York makes me happy. I'm an extremely lucky girl. I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life. The truth is, I have no idea. But I do have a very good life. In spite of all that's happened, I'm still here, and I'm happy to be here.