The Day Is Getting Closer

Honestly, I want this world to reach Armageddon or Rapture or whatever. Sometimes it feels like I'm already in the final days. I'm so tired of angry young men threatening the ones I love as well as my life with violence. Nothing can quell their anger but blood. Fine. Attack me, shoot me, destroy me. I'm too saddened to even put up a fight.

I'm ready to experience the peace that passes all understanding. I'm ready to go to a place where evil cannot exist. I'm ready to see my dad glowing with the glory from having been in the presence of God, I'm ready to see the face of the Beautiful One who rescued me from my sinking grave. Oh, Lord, into your hands, I commit my spirit. Please take me now.

Dare You To Move

So, it looks like I left a big chunk of my heart in New York City, which is awesome and frustrating. Do I feel ready to take the stage? Well, yes and no. I don't think I'll be performing in the same capacity. Honestly, I don't care if I don't end up on Broadway. I just want to do something that will impact the world for a greater good.

Carol and Jaydip's wedding was beautiful and the whole process was delightful to watch and participate. At one point, me, Brandon (the guitarist) and Liz (one of Carol's Bridesmaids, girlfriend of Brandon) went to Central Park and did some busking. We sang for about forty minutes and got four dollars. It felt great to just sing and perform again before an audience. We donated the four dollars to Shaela, another bridesmaid, who is in the process of adopting a child from Hungary. Even though four dollars isn't very much, it felt good to use my talents to help others.

I also got to see so many of my talented and artistic friends, and they just filled my heart with so much joy and laughter.

I'm ready to go back to the city.

Hi diddle lee dee!

Disney World was great. I wish I had as much energy as I did when I was a kid. I also wish I wasn't so jaded at the beginning. Once I let go of my cynical demeanor, I began to feel that childlike side of me wake up. Somewhere between the spinning tea cups with my sister and my niece and Space Mountain with my sis and brother-in-law, my inner child began to come alive. I couldn't help but miss my dad. He was all that was missing from the picture.

Coming home was bittersweet. I left the wonderful world of Disney and danced straight into the arms of a man with eyes as cool and blue as the deep blue sea. Oh, my, but do I like him. But my time home was short lived.

I am currently en route to New York City. I'm going to see all the old beloved faces and places. It might be emotional, but it'll be good for me. My boat was meant to be rocked, and I kinda like it like that.

Use It or Lose It

So I took out my tap shoes today and went down to the garage. My attempts were a pathetic cacophony. I've never been really good at tap to begin with, and if you thought I was bad then, well, there's a new level of incompetence. You'd think I'd never had a tap class a day in my life. It was pitiful. So, a new goal is to try to get my tap shoes on and practice this week, because quite frankly, these tap shoes are way too expensive for me to have if I'm not using them. Speaking of which... so were my rock climbing shoes... looks like I have a lot of work to do.

Pardon My Dust

I guess when you're down, the enemy likes to kick you in the stomach and say, "While you're already down there, you might as well receive some more blows."

As I've been doing my grief share, I've found that the phenomenon of losing friends after a death happens a lot. Friends end up getting angry with you because you aren't as attentive or because they feel like they are unappreciated by you. This isn't the case. Really, I'm just drowning sometimes, and I am a flawed person, but it's not on purpose. Maybe this is just another fire that I need to be refined in, and maybe there will be something more beautiful on the other side of this.

Pardon my dust, excuse my mess

Please don't be another judge for me to try to impress

I'm saying my prayers, and I'm trying to change

Give me some time cause I'm still finding my way

Why are you looking at me that way?

Pointing your finger, shaking your head

How about some love along the way instead?

Pardon my dust.

(Chris Rice, I love you.)

Bringing Sexy Back 2011

So, I recently heard about Sexy Back 11 and I'm up for the challenge. I am still trying to figure out a routine that will work for me, and I'd really like to get accountability. I'm going to go to the gym 45- 60 minutes per day (15-30 minutes on weights, then 15-30 minutes of cardio). I'd like to go to the gym everyday, but I need to work up to it. So this week's goal is to go to the gym two times this week. Next week, I'll up it to four times. My overall goal is to lose 20 pounds. I'm ready to start looking and feeling my best.

I can't sleep. There are so many deep questions that bother me well into the morning.

Why do people insist spelling Madeleine L'engle's name "Madeline" when her name is ON THE BOOKS?!?!? I am specifically talking about people who list her as their "favorite author."

So much for being fans... or literate, for that matter.