Losing Hope Is Easy, Losing Weight is Hard

As an actress it's easy to look around at the successful women in the media in this day and age, and it doesn't take long to notice that, I am not a size zero like the majority. I know that it's common for a human being to feel that they aren't good enough, and I am no exception. I dislike being "overweight," but I also dislike abstaining from foods that I particularly like.

Why does Krispy Kreme have to taste so delightful? And why is a meal of steak and potatoes so much more fulfilling than a salad? I've been trying to frequent the gym or do laps in the pools at the hotels, but overall, I'm finding that I'm still a chubby gal, and while I know what I shouldn't eat, I don't always know what I should eat. I've currently been doing the Acai berry supplements and taking L-Lysine, which I don't know if either one does anything, but maybe if I am psychologically convinced that I'm healthier, my body will start shedding unnecessary pounds. At least, I can hope for that much...

The Fall

I'm an extremely lucky person despite the negative circumstances that I may end up in. I wonder why The Father lifts me up and reinvents new ways to redeem me when I don't deserve it. I am a slave to my sins. I ask for forgiveness, and afterwards, I let the cares of the world overpower me and influence me. I let the world enter into my heart, and I'm sinking down.

This tour has been tough. This whole season in New York has been a trial of me failing and discovering how base and sinful I am. It was there in me the whole time, and as soon as I left the constrains of what is right and good, I fell farther and farther. I am still falling.

Don't let me die, God. Don't let me fall away from you. Please catch me and save me.